Tuesday, September 15, 2009

a social experiment

So in honor of Monday night, I changed my okcupid status back to bisexual to see how long it would take guys to start IMing me.  It took 4 minutes.  I had 4 guys message me in the first 10 minutes.  Insanity.  Here is a very special edition of "at least you're not this guy from okcupid" featuring 3 new friends!
THE KILLER OPENING LINE AWARD:
ur hella cute

thanks
you're moderately attractive

THE YOU SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO SAY THAT TO STRANGERS OR "ur hair are lovely" AWARD:

u alright?
hi

i am indeed alright
good
wat u upto ?

damn that kanye west

lol

how do you get your hair to stay like that?

y ? wats wrong in it ?

nothing

i was just wondering, i can't get my hair to do anything

lol
ur hair are lovely
thank you
is that why you messaged me?

lol
im so tired today , i have got backpain as well

that's tough

plz do something to it

your back?

yeah

umm...
backcarck
backcrack

kinda far away

i wish if u were here now

but i'm just a name on a screen
i know
just asked away
do u know a massage by using ur feet ?

no i don't
  
its easy , u just have to step on me and walk all over barefeet , its a good massage

ok....

would u like to do that to me ?

no
not at all

y ?
r u scared ?

no
it's just kind of gross to ask someone to walk on you on okcupid

lol
lmao

u r funny

not really

u r
bbut u r too beautiful

just kinda telling it like it is
what does that have to do with anything?

AND FINALLY... THE I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE AWARD:

whatsup

nm jc

what did you get into tonight

i took the train back from sf home

what were you doing here in the city

i was working
at my job

what do you do

i'm a dramatugy intern at a big theater company

what do you do

i research theater and work with actors and directors
 what do you do?

im a stocker scrapper
an apprentice in the drywall union

there's a drywall union?

 of course

i've never really understood drywall

what do you mean
all buildings need walls

no, i understand that there is a thing called drywall
just how it's made and the intricacies behidn it
what do you do?

i keep the workers stocked with metal studs and sheetrock
move material
insulate
caulk
help with layouts
a lot of things
whatever they ask but mostly stock
and scrap out the garbage

is it rewarding work?

ya definately i got a career for the rest of my life ill move up and be doing the real work eventually
its the hardest job i ever done though
move tons of weight everyday
literally
gets you in shape
some days are so easy that you cant believe your getting paid so much too

definitely

one day i just stood behind a crane to make sure no one walked passed the tape
it was borng as hell i would have rather worked but i got 100 dollars for just standing there
i like it its a good job i dont have to go to college
you like your job?

very much

so this is a career for you too right
your working up?

YEAH [NOTE: That’s ALLCAPS was accidental.  I wasn’t being that much of an asshole]
definitely

ya me too

did you go to school before

i went to stanford
it says on my profile

you planning to move to the cityy?

no, i commute

thats a long commute isnt it
like 2 hours right

no, only an hour

i used to work in hayward it would take me 2 hours
 from when i left my house
it was horrible

that sucks

brb

ok
That was the fun night I had. Oh, people. I hope I made alphafemme's morning!

2 comments:

Paul Gowder said...

Who else thinks Ellen should offer to sell her dirty socks at $100 per to the guy who wants her bare feet walking all over his back? (He is hereby dubbed "tootsie.")

Also, this makes me wonder how many foot fetishists fake back problems on a regular basis. Is there a sociologist in the house? This could be someone's dissertation.

alphafemme said...

funnily enough, I am currently applying for sociology PhD programs. HA!

I definitely think ellen should sell her dirty socks for $100. you could make hella money that way.

and ellen, you definitely did make my morning. especially with the line "you're moderately attractive." Day 2 of morning tea squirting out my nose.